Grab a Snorkel

I haven't been around here much lately.  I even recently thought about deleting this little space all together.  Not really sure what I'm doing with it, if anything.  But today I just wanted to stop a minute and write some raw feelings.. because that's about all I've got right now.  It was a rough few weeks leading up to deployment.  The anxiety and anticipation was too much for me this time, it was hard.  The weight of the kids' sadness I felt squarely on my shoulders.  We had good times too.  Memories to get us through this time without a very important person in our little family.  I should share those.  

Relief came when he left.  That sounds awful.  But I could breath again.  I could focus on doing this.. getting through the day and the next and the next.  I dried tears from my precious girl.  I listened over and over as my baby said he wanted Daddy.  And I've tried to figure out what exactly my oldest needs as I don't fully recognize him right now.  I've answered with a smile that "We are doing fine and getting into a routine." I've stayed up way too late night after night trying to get done what I can't seem to ever catch up on.  I've had sick kids wake up right when I was going to bed, of course.  I've had fun (yes!) with amazing friends.. 

It has been 2 weeks.

I think the time of year is making it harder.. I honestly have a hard time enjoying this time of year anyway so this just doesn't help!  I recently said "I'm barely keeping my head above water."  then I laughed and said "Wait no.. I'm not even above.. I'm using a snorkel!"  That silly little comment has floated through my head many times.. I guess I like examples that I can picture!  And me with a snorkel is pretty funny.  But.. It means I'm doing it!!!  And that makes me want to keep going.

"I am holding on to you.  I am holding on to you. In the middle of the storm, I am holding on.  I am.

This is my resurrection song.  This is my hallelujah call.  This is why it's to You I run."

These are lyrics from a new song by David Crowder called "I Am".    … My storm.  I am holding on to the only "snorkel" that will get me through. (Did i just compare God to a snorkel??!)  I guess I did.  My anthem will ring out and I will try to keep my head above water.. or be happy to stay underneath and accept grace for all the things I can't do alone.

An equally awesome song is "Overcomer" by Mandisa.  The kids chose this song as their deployment song.  Talk about one to bust out loud!!!  And man, Addie does on her iPod with headphones on.. it's awesome! "You're an overcomer… stayin to fight to the final round.  You're not goin under.. cuz God is holding you right now. You might be down for a moment feeling like it's hopeless.. but that's when He reminds you.. You're an overcomer!"  It was so cute, we picked up a friend who's husband just left to take her out for ice cream.. and Garrett cued up this song for her!

So yeah, it's been 2 weeks of ups and downs.. but I Am saying now that we are Overcomers!!!

 Wanna hear these songs??

http://youtu.be/mw4ES27w3oU

http://youtu.be/z29olPjFbqg

Pride

Hope you had a great celebration of Independance Day!  It's one of my favorite holidays.  I love that its laid back and spent with friends, good food, and weather permitting.. Outside!  I also love taking the day to remember and give thanks for our freedoms, our founders & their principles they built the country on, and of course for our military families sacrificing to protect.

As a military spouse I know firsthand what kind of sacrifices we military families make. It's not glorious and it doesn't need to be trumpeted.  We aren't asking for recognition. But respect and a nod to the efforts is greatly appreciated. It makes me smile. 

After nearly 12 years in the military way of life, I still tear up during most versions of The National Anthem. That probably will never cease to make my heart swell with PRIDE.  

It's Pride for our country. Because though flawed and often arrogant.. We still know how to come together and take care of one another when it truly counts.

Pride for the wounded and fallen soldiers.  I am thankful for their service.  I grieve for their families. 

Pride for my husband and our many friends who serve.  I am always humbled by their continued dedication to something that is so much more than a job. 

Pride for the spouses I have met ..They keep me going. These are amazing women who became life long friends & taught me that its more than ok to cry and how to still move forward and even enjoy the sisterhood formed through deployments. 

Pride for the military kids.  The kids truly have my heart. They endure moves, schools, deployments, and more goodbyes than a kid should have to know... And it's not always easy or done gracefully. But for all these hardships.. They do have something Awesome that is only understood by a fellow "brat" .. Homecoming!  I pray the kids would learn what makes our country special, learn the history, and develop a respect for those that serve and did serve. I pray they learn to show reverence to the ones that made the ultimate sacrifice on days such as July 4 and other American holidays. I pray that they are a light in their friendships with civilian kids to demonstrate patriotism even at a young age. 

I am thankful my husband was home this year, I don't take that for granted. And I found myself thinking all day on the 4th, "Next year -at this time- he will be back home.  Deployment will be over again. We just have to make it through all the stuff in between."  

Drawing on that Pride.

Zumba Diaries

A while back I posted some of my random thoughts during a Zumba class..  well, that same white girl still laughs at herself (and others) as we try to shake it. 

 

 It's fun! 

 It's a great workout!

...

I just need to start having a margarita first :)  LOL

 

Speaking of margaritas.. yesterday I was headed into Zumba class when I saw a text for our neighborhood party for the month of May... cinco de mayo of course! A friend of mine and I try to pull our allotment together once a month (or every other) to actually chat with the neighbors we so often wave to.. it's great!  So I told her I would get my Mexican thoughts flowing and come up with some great ideas!  I didn't get her text back till after class... but yeah, I was in the wrong Spanish speaking area.  oh well! I'm not very well versed in geography.. can ya tell?

I started to figure this out when the cute instructor with the Jamaica braids said something about Africa.. and the next song kept repeating "this is Africa!"  Ok! so I'm thinking tribal.. but the song was sort of pump you up.. so I thought about yelling "futbol!"  but decided to conserve my energy (and what little dignity I had not danced away).  Just when I was getting into a "grove" (pun intended) the next song played needed maracas.. shaking like that just doesn't happen without them.

Right-Left-Right-Right.. pretty sure it was an old school move .. I can't remember the name.. but i so had that one down!  However, leading with the left and the heel is not natural at all for me.  Switching.. step-step... hummmmm.  At one point I did kick ball change and called it good.

Slowing it down at the end, I'm thinking it was Spanish rap.  There were a lot of "look like you are in da club" type moves.  You may think I failed here.. but since Snoop is my all time favorite rapper (that's for you aub!) .. i was da bomb! <clearly lying>

So... I haven't improved all that much. I still have no clue what culture this is mimicking.  But it's fun.   And I'm not the only one out of my element.  There was a middle aged woman of Asian decent who possibly had less of a clue than me.  And then there was Buddy the Cake Boss' mom and sister Mary .. with their patron Saint of Zumba necklace...they have us all covered!

Have fun this weekend!

 



A little frustrated, I'd say

I'm going to cough up a confession right now...  Full blast, can't take it any more.. Frustration. With. Myself.

My house is so not ready for visitors. Visitors that are coming tomorrow.  My sister would be so mad if she knew am stressing like this. (Sorry Meg!) She's so laid back and not the type at All to judge if my house is cleaned and in order or if there are toys and piles throughout..  ahem.. the ladder.

Its a disappointment in myself. I wanted to have it ready for when she came.
That was the goal.

No, i didn't think it would be all organized and each room painted and decorated with all the Pinterest ideas i have... I'm not that delusional.  But a general neatness would be nice.
And folks, that is NOT what we have.

I should have organized the guest room last week.. it is kind of a catch all since its the loft and out of my daily sight.  Instead, I decided to paint the living room and laundry room.  I should have cleaned and organized Monday when the kids were off. Instead I decided to start painting Micah's room.. because it was going to be "easy".  Well... let's just say I upped the ante in there. It is going to be Great... at some point. 

So there we have it. My confession of the messiest house ever before guests arrive. I don't want to whine here... but ya know,  it's not all happy little crafts and cute kids here all the time. ;)

Can anyone identify?!?!?!? 
Thanks for listening (if you read to here.. you rock!) and hey, don't judge! Unless of course you have it all together all the time... then i invite you to throw stones... throw lots of stones! ;)

Ps... why did i take time to write this??  Well besides feeling much better... i multi-tasked and did it on my phone while rocking Micah!  Boom! Break out the caffeine.. (or wine?!)   It is cleaning time!!

going to attack the kitchen first!

Tales from a white girl at Zumba...

So I have added Zumba to my workout routine recently.  Love it!  It is so fun.  ... or is it just so funny to laugh at myself through out the class?  Either way.. It is a Great workout!  But let's get real here.  I have 0.0% Latino in me.  I am 100% old school cheerleader and an ex tap dancer.  Sharp motions come naturally. And it is just hilarious to see me try to move my hips or shake my rear the way the uninhibited instructor does!  Man.. I wish I could let go like her.  Oh and speaking of her.. she did P90X just before teaching class .  Again, I shake my head at myself .. not my hips. Today the running commentary in my head during class was just interesting...

Actual thoughts during Zumba

*What the ..??

*My hips seriously do not move

*oops.. I just looked way too cheerleader again

*step touch.. got that

*Is anyone else dizzy when they spin?

*squat. jump. jump.  ooo.. i like that one. "Go Ohio!" (cheerleader again)

*that girl in front of me wasn't even born when this song was released ("Beat It")

*and why isn't that girl in front of me sweating??

*bonita.. i think that means pretty (testing my Espanol)

*salsa.. yeah, that sounds good. Margaritas anyone?

*even belly button high pants mom shakes better than me.

*I think i just did the Roger Rabbit.

*I think my vitamins just came up.

*Man, new respect for Kirsty Alley.

*Even Mark Ballas would want Bristol back if I was his partner.

*How do they do this in heels?

*Why do i keep thinking of Dancing With the Stars??

*Whooo.  that was good.

3 little words

This morning got off to a not so great start.  It was raining out and crawling back in bed seemed like the most desirable plan.. it could not happen of course.  What needed to happen was an extra quick get ready performance by the big kids (hahahaha.. i laugh at myself).  Typically I bring them to school because the bus comes at 7:45 and school doesn't start till 8:30, in which we live a distance of 5 miles.  So I know hurrying to get to the bus stop would result in a lot more nagging, yelling, and whining.. which is just a bad way to start off the day.  I chose to avoid.  Well, this morning.. my suspicions were proven correctly. Today I needed the kids to ride the bus today so that I could take Micah to a friend's house so I could volunteer in Garrett's class. 

*** Enter nagging, yelling, and whining. ***

After loading them up in the car (their stop is .5 mile up the road- we'd have to start at 6am!)  We get there
and......
We Missed The Bus! (of course). 

Driving to the school, knowing I was going to have to do some serious backtracking and would most certainly be late, was painful. Painful because I told them that buses, trains, planes, and ships will not wait for anyone... which echoed the voice of my swim coach on summer mornings telling me that I would miss the ship even if it were headed on a cruise.  Probably true.

It actually was a good lesson for all of us.  But I felt so terrible showing up so late for Garrett's teacher! I absolutely love helping in the classes.  Maybe it is because I grew up a "principal's daughter", but I get excited about the inner workings of the school.  Room mom, field trips, PTO.. sign me up!  crazy.  Anyway, there was a mix-up with the students id numbers for the computers that I needed to do testing on books they had read.  Garrett's teacher felt just as bad as I had because I couldn't do what I had come in for.  I read with some kids and that was fine.  Things happen.  life.

I was walking out the door and Mrs. H said sorry one more time.  And then she made my day.. heck .. my week!  3 little words.  She said "I appreciate you."  It resonated so much more than a simple "thank you" would have.  "Thank you" would have been fine.  But I bet I would not have thought much about it passed that moment.  But what she intentionally said stayed with me the rest of the day. "I appreciate you."  It made me smile.  It brought purpose to a crazy morning.  I felt valued. 

As our day to day life flies by we so often forget to tell those we love that we appreciate them and what they do.  We take each other for granted.  We rush out the door, and we miss the bus.  We miss so many opportunities to acknowledge someone, even in a little way.

 I wonder what would happen if today we told someone in our lives that they are appreciated.  Would that someone feel valued?  Would they then pass it on to another?   A chain reaction may be on the horizon!

Try it, would you?  It won't be comfortable,  "Thank you" is easier.  But it will be intentional and meaningful -and it might just leave a greater impact.

Just a thought to Pass IT On!

Olympic time!

I LOVE the Olympics.  Absolutely Love.  

Sport.. Love of the game

Pride.. for our country

Underdogs.. the comebacks

Bios.. the amazing stories to become an Olympian

Ceremonies.. medals, flags, podiums, & anthems

Tears.. of joy

Unity.. of the nations

 Celebrations.. of personal & national achievements 

Records.. the unbelievable performances by the athletes.

Song.. the Olympic song

I just love it all.  

These are my thoughts..

We are getting ready to make a cross country move. From the high desert of NV to the coastal area of northern FL.  I haven't talked much about our upcoming change ... basically because I do not like change.  But... I'm getting better.  A few years ago i would have said  "I hate change" and that is so not the case now. I have had practice.

I never have liked "ending" something good... a relationship, a good book (don't you always want to read the happily ever after?), a TV series... who didn't cry at the end of Friends or ER?!  I hated the end of high school and college (though i must say i'm glad now for those endings!).  One f the worst "endings" for me was when we had to move from our first duty station in Brunswick, ME.  We loved it there. I mean LOVED it.  It is so beautiful.. the summers are short, but amazing. Everyone is outside.. sitting in Adirondack chairs :) The coast is beautiful.. rocky, lush, and green.  Something i had not seen as i was used to vacationing in the southeast.  The falls are a gorgeous pallet of colors.  Some of my favorite memories have colorful foliage as the backdrop.  The winters were indeed cold and icy.  I like winter though.  I love sweaters and I wore one nearly everyday :)  Spring was wet.. blooming.  My allergies kicked in but the rain smelled good.
sigh... we just loved Maine.  As good as the surrounding small northeast town was.. the friendships we kindled were far surpassing.  It was our first duty station out of flight school.  We were taken under some wonderfully seasoned wings.. and stood along side of some other completely green newbies.  We went through deployments together, took care of each other, crafted, laughed, cried, and many of us entered another new stage of being a mommy!  Basically, we grew up into adults :)  and that was the worst part for me... leaving all those wonderful people.. even if some of them left me first or were moving soon after. (such is military life).

2 of my favorite pics.. Gull Cottage where we stayed in beautiful Oct. right before we left

I felt like if i left the place.. i was leaving the friends and with that the memories.  I had a warped view.  And man did i wallow in it.  I cried at the drop of a hat.  I was mad at Matt (I guess it was his fault because He was in the Navy and the Navy was making me change). ... yep.. warped.

I remember leaving and crying all the way to Boston (2 hours).  I would have loved to turn around, but of course we couldn't.  What i didn't realize at the time was how much I was robbing myself. I was so self absorbed in all the things i didn't want to leave that I had not given one thought to what was ahead for us.  I had no joy in the adventure of moving to a new area (hello.. there are a lot worse places than San Diego!) But i didn't want to hear any of that.  I let no excitement in.  I decided i hated San Diego before we got there, which lead to a miserable first 8 months or so.  I had decided I did not want to go through leaving friends that had become like family again.. so i would just go through this tour with out letting anyone really get to know me.  After all, Matt wouldn't be deploying this tour, so I was good.

 Not so much!  I am a "girlfriend" through and through!  I am a friend of other moms. I am a Navy wife who enjoys helping other families when the inevitable things go wrong during deployment. I am a friend who will sit and have some wine .. for no reason at all :)  I will watch your kids and i thank you for reciprocating. I need girls nights out!!  I'm not saying I'm a great friend... I'm saying I NEED girlfriends and the love that comes with a true friendship.  And once i realized that was what i was greatly worried about missing... I realized it was exactly what i was missing out on!

It was a slow process but i started letting people in and before I knew it .. I was happy in San Diego and I had some wonderful friendships too! (and .. yes.. I cried hard leaving there too.)  I started letting God work on my perspective and asked Him to "change how I viewed change".  and He did.  I stopped seeing it as an ending.  but as a beginning and most importantly a chance to continue.   To continue friendships from far away and to continue new beginnings for our family.   Sure, I can't keep up with everyone on a day to day basis.. but facebook sure helps!  And the friends that really became family.. we went through real day to day life together.. it doesn't matter how long it's been since we've seen each other or talked. 

So.. here i go again.  I don't want to leave my friends here.. but this time I am excited about our new beginning and the opportunity to continue.

linking to: